In 2006, an episode of Family Guy aired called Stewie B. Goode. In the episode, Peter gets a segment on the Channel 5 News called “You Know What Really Grinds My Gears?” In the segment, Peter talks about things in the world that make him angry, such as Lindsay Lohan, or people from the 19th century. Seeing this episode got me thinking about the things in life that get me angry. So I present, without further adieu, Danny Gifford’s list of “Things That Really Grind My Gears.”
When people use “I” instead of “me.” No, it is not correct to say, “He went to the park with John and I.” It doesn’t sound right to say, “He went to the park with I,” and adding John to the mix won’t change that.
When people drink tea to seem sophisticated. We all know that rich British aristocrats spend their days sitting around the fire sipping the beverage, but walking into first period flaunting a fresh herbal chamomile blend does not immediately make you superior to the rest of us.
Ralph Nader.
When people ask me my grade on a test. I know that you don’t care in the slightest what I got, and that you are really just looking for an excuse to flaunt your A. I am very proud that you can ace a quiz in International Cuisine, but please, could you keep it to yourself next time?
When everyone else gets a better meal than I do. Everybody knows the feeling. You confidently order, only to find that the meal that you desire lies on everybody’s plate but your own. Now you’re presented with a horrific dilemma: Do you choose to mooch off of everybody else, or do you sulk in the pain of undercooked lamb chops?
My Chemical Romance.
People who yell on the phone. Believe it or not, the phone has a receiver for a reason. Just because the person you’re talking to lives 10 miles away doesn’t mean he has to be able to hear you from his house.
Abstract art. Look, just because you can splash red paint on a white canvas doesn’t mean you are a genius. It just means you’re lazy. Stop trying to tell us that your lump of clay on a pedestal represents the oppression of middle class Alaskan toddlers.
Neckties. What is the purpose of this oddly shaped piece of fabric that I am forced to choke myself with every time I dress up? Every other piece of clothing seems to have some reason for existence, but in what way could a tie ever add to an outfit?
I know that most of these may seem petty, or not worth getting angry about. And being perfectly honest, they are pretty minute. So what if someone wants to brag about a grade, or use improper grammar? Why should I care?
You know, rhetorical questions really grind my gears. There’s #10.
