As my grip grew tighter, the computer mouse began to slip out of my sweaty palm. Before my eyes was a Facebook picture, one that nearly brought tears to my eyes. It had only been a few weeks since we had called it off, and there she was hugged up on some ‘new guy’. She was my first TRUE love; she made everyday a better one. She has a smile that can brighten even the rainiest days, but I had a hard time keeping that smile on her face. The love of my life was slowly slipping away from me and I had no one to blame but myself. She loved me so much and always tried to give me what I wanted, I just got too greedy. It was going on the third year of our relationship, when she realized that she no longer wanted to be a part of our relationship and so we broke up. Yeah it was 50/50, we argued a lot, and were both often upset with the others’ actions. But as time went on I realized that I was usually the root of those growing problems. I had to stop and think about where this had all started. I took myself back to the earlier days of our relationship when I was not faithful. I had cheated on my girlfriend who I told how much I loved her every day. I did not know what love meant then. Maybe it was because I am just and immature boy, maybe it was because I had this ‘player’ image that had been instilled in me by my siblings that I wanted to live up to. Whatever it was, it was enough to overpower me into forgetting that I already had everything I needed. So the rumors spread through school, and her friends gave me their snobby looks; the pressure was on her and me. As time went on more problems arose, and the couple who began with such an innocent love had trouble even speaking without arguing. I felt like I failed her, I felt like I failed myself. Words could not describe the good feeling she gave me every time we made contact, but time was running out on me to get my act together, so that I could keep this beautiful woman happy.
My time ran out. I loved her and cared about her so much, but just could not seem to get things right. Time had passed, but I vowed to her to be faithful and never cheat again, and I stuck to my word. At this point however she had new things on her agenda. She loved me but just could not see our situation working out, she had other priorities. I could not fight her because I knew what our situation had come to, she was right; we were not ready for each other because we both just had too many things going on. I have been single for some time now, enjoying being free of hassle, but still longing for her. I try hard to dig deep within myself to figure out the things that I need work on in order to be a good partner in any relationship. Skills in which I lacked those three years I spent with her. It is hard for one to sit down and admit the things they do wrong and want to correct, especially if they do not agree that they have a problem. I wish I could revisit our situation with the more open mind that I have now. I wish I could make our relationship what it could have been. I wish she could have had her Mr. Right, instead of settling for second best. Unfortunately our chance is gone.
